Lunch with Carol was fantastic. I don’t know about ground rules, though. She was chatty, gossiped about everyone in the office as well as giving me the skinny on all the culprits (guilty or otherwise) – more about that later. Told me lots about herself (including a few secrets of her own – more about that too later). We even had a couple of glasses of wine. She was fab of course, very self assured and took no crap from the waiting staff. In fact I’ve been to the restaurant a few times before and never had service as good as that – certainly a lesson there.

Back in the office, I carried on in the same friendly, girls together at work, manner and she cut me down like the grim reaper at armegeddon, “Penny, please concentrate on your work – we do have deadlines to hit, and you are holding everyone up. We don’t do that here”

My God. So which is it? Gossipy girlfriend, or bitch from hell boss? I’d prefer to know one way or the other otherwise I just won’t know where I stand and how to be with her. Anyone out there had the same problem with their boss?

Carol is back in today. She absolutely electrifies the office – it’s like everyone’s had 1000 volts up their backside. Obviously I’m keeping my head down and my nose clean. Carol looks out from her office directly at my back and, more importantly, over my shoulder and at my screen – so she can see exactly what I’m doing, and how fast! Very worrying and will certainly curtail my surfing and internet activity. She’s actually taking me to lunch, “..to set out the ground rules, Penny, let’s start as we mean to go on, shall we?” Bloody hell.

Will report back tomorrow – Carol’s givem me a huge report to type up she compiled on her trip and she needs it PDQ - and she’s just got to be watching me – so I’d better do it PDQ.

Well, after all that, Carol had been called away on an urgent business trip and is not going to back until Thursday. So, nice and gently, I can get my barings and get to know the faces in the office. First impressions are so important and, they say, the right ones. So here’s what I think of the guys in the office so far – will they prove to be right?

Jane - she’s the receptionist and office tart by the look of her. She must shop at Chav Central - I’m amazed Carol doesn’t say something. Although, to be fair, she was nice enough to show me around, introduce me to everyone, and get me settled in and she seems like a nice kid.

Mike – bloody hell what a body for someone who works in accounts – certainly better looking than Debs.

Darren – sales support - hair too long, clothes too hip, smile too dazzling, far too cocky. Mmmmm – reserve judgement on that one.

Rebecca – holy cow what a miserable cow, also works in accounts with Mike which must be really depressing for him. She looks like she was knitted at the age of 38 and is slowly unravelling. I always thought anyone called Rebecca must be beautiful, and have auburn hair which they would swish provacatively at every opportunity, but this mardy trout looks like she’s never swished in her life. And those shoes. Definitely one to avoid.

Neil (or Nerd more like) – I know it’s a cliche but why are IT staff such zeros. Do they pull the really ugly wallies out at school and say, “OK lads, you have just the right qualities for IT support. Remember, stay in your bedrooms, collect marvel comics, and cultivate your acne and you won’t go far wrong”.

Fran – Sales hotshot – great outfits so far, Prada shoes, Gucci handbag, must be on great commission. Drives a BMW Z4. Surely I can do her job. From what I’ve overheard so far, she seems brilliant at sales. Carol must love her. To be honest I quite like her too, and she’s been very friendly.

Not the worst bunch I’ve ever seen, let see shall we?

Look, there’s no way I can post anything today, I’m too damn nervous.

I’ve been so looking forward to today and now it’s here I’m scared stiff. I’m not lacking in confidence you know, and although I’ve been telling myself Carol is a kindred spirit and mentor, really I just think I’m out of my league.

I just can’t think about anything else but concentrating on work (well, there’s a novelty) – and so I’ll get on with it – sign off – and leave you with this thought that was on Debs leaving card to me, “Choose a job you love, and you will never have to work a day in your life.”  Confucius apparently – but what does he know, I bet he never had a job as a PA!

Holy Cow, I really couldn’t post on Friday…………..I was slaughtered……..from about lunch time onwards. Well, what was David going to do, sack me?

Debs got all the guys from the office to take me out; the glasses of wine they serve these days – they’re bloody huge. Four in an hour and a half really is too many for any girl. There should be a law against it (there probably is, come to think about it). In fact I’m sure there’s something on the company manual that mentions alcohol and sackable offence – the company I used to work for that is. The Vodkas and red bull Debs kept bringing me in the afternoon didn’t help.

They got me a really cool leaving present – a weekend break at Champneys – I was estatic. Apparently even David contributed (generously too they told me).

So all in all I remember going to work, but not leaving. A perfect last day.

New job on Tuesday – if I sober up!

Debs was beside herself, “You can’t leave here, you’re the only one who keeps me sane in this nuthouse”.

“I’ve been offered another job. And I’ve accepted”.

David was dumbstruck, the dumb head. He had no idea. I’m so much better outa this place.

“Penny you can’t leave, I rely on you”.

“But you don’t respect me David”

“Of  course I do”

“What about my ideas?”

“I’m busy, Penny. We’d have got round to it eventually”.

“And meanwhile I just sit around and wait? What about my career?”

“What career, Penny? You’re just a PA!”

Carol called last night and I said yes.

David failed miserably. After his platitudes about my ideas last week he was dismissive again. He was moody. He told me to get coffee seven times. I had to go and get his lunch, but I had to work through my lunch to finish an urgent report that he forgot to give me. He told another stupid PA joke – and that was the last straw.

Carol wants me to start ASAP, and now so do I.